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August, 2005 August 3rdEveryone is studying INXS songs like crazy -- why? Because everyone kicked ass at the show and none of us know who will end up in the bottom three. I felt really good about "Message in a Bottle" and hope it was enough to give me another week without having to fight for my life. I look around at everyone and can't imagine any of us being sent home at this point.
August, 2005 July 30thHad an amazing vocal clinic with Ron Anderson. In 10 minutes with him I felt like a cave had opened up in my throat that allowed a smooth and clean voice to emerge. Dave:
It's about eight in the morning, the sun is already scorching, and people are starting to emerge from their slumbers. I feel infinitely better today than I did yesterday. The other night we went out to a club and it was a bit debaucherous … Let's just say it was like a bunch of animals being let loose with many bottles of Vodka and Whiskey and loud pumping music. I'm not usually a dance club-goer, but I don't think I ever danced so much in my life. Sitting in the next booth was Hugh Hefner and his girlfriends. It was so Hollywood, it was hilarious! Us girls all got to meet him and we met some of the girlfriends as well. July, 2005 July 28thOur world has shifted since I wrote last. Yesterday (Wednesdays are the new black) Daphna and Heather were both sent home. It is both a shock because we didn't see it coming and because this house is so dramatically different without them. We all realized that one bad performance can sink you here -- really terrifying. The stakes just keep going up …
Heathers presence to me was both maternal and child-like. She took care of everyone before she took care of herself. She was a playmate for me here. We called ourselves the "bordello girls." We would hang over the balcony and yell down to everyone like girls from the brothels of the Wild West. She is soft and strong and will be my friend forever. (Oh, not to mention, she’s one of the best guitarist/singer/songwriter’s around). Daphna, beautiful dove. Soft, wise, determined, lovely. I know how worried she is about supporting her mother. I've said it before and will say it again here: I am not worried about her one bit. Daphna has a bright and shinning future right around the corner.
The atmosphere is bittersweet. We are all sad, yet the space here is allowing us to unfold as human beings. We are bound together by our collective experience -- Love, loss, fear, overwhelming fear, trust, chaos, clarity. I feel some today. July, 2005 July 27thThis week's performance...
There was a noticeable shift in INXS's and Dave Navarro's attitude this week in terms of feedback. They said that their criticism would be harsher. In regards to my own performance of "Suffragette City" they had almost nothing positive to say. I was wounded - I felt like I had done a really good job and was proud of myself. I actually woke up pissed off this morning. The result of this all is that I am more determined to be true to myself than ever. I am proud of what I have done here and plan to retain my integrity both artistically and otherwise, until the end. July, 2005 July 25thThoughts:
It's so hot here- My mind is feeling pretty mushy. It's been a hard few days for everyone. Neal is sorely missed, the heat is leaving everyone comatose. I think the darkness is lifting, but it felt like there's been a bit of a black cloud hovering around these parts. Everyone is trying to find a cool place around the house to practice their songs. I can hear Suzie singing “Superstition” and J.D. singing “We Are the Champions.” Running through my head is “Suffragette City” by David Bowie – the next song I’ll be singing. I'm incredibly excited it - it seems to suit me perfectly. On top of everything I think were all starting to miss our loved ones terribly. I could use a giant hug. Oh God, I'm melting… My new room-mate Suzie moved into my room last night. It's great to have someone to share a pre-sleep giggle with (I am a girl…) We've all been wary about the other bed in my room. Dana slept there, as did Wil for a couple of nights ( J.D. Snores). I don’t really believe in curses, but I did a Buddhist purification ceremony just in case… Song Selection was tough this week. We're all honing in on what we need to show during our performance and it was especially important for me to get the right song. I got kind of overwhelmed by the whole thing and was so touched by Ty offering to help me this week. Again, I am constantly reminded of the goodness of beings. Sometimes it happens during the darkest moments. July 23rdWe watched our performances with Garry and Tim and I really saw the reason I’ve been having problems…I didn’t even recognize myself from one performances to the next. If it was confusing for me, it must be even more so for the public. It’s like I’ve tried on a few different skins, none of which really belonged to me. As Garry put it “will the real Tara Slone please stand up.” As hard as I try to be enthusiastic and sincere in my life, I have not managed to convey that during my performances. July, 2005 July 21stI’m beginning to feel like a cat whose lives are being used up at a weekly rate. Yesterday I stood again in the bottom three and again managed to save myself.
Neal: July, 2005 July 20th On " Paranoid" and Rock Redemption:
Last night I sang "Paraniod" by Black Sabbath, decided on thigh high leather boots and a very tight dress! Finally I feel like I got to really rock a song I love and do what I actually do. Andrew gave me a standing ovation (hurrah) and it seems I have eclipsed "Take it easy's " country vibe. More rock to come.
On being homesick:
Sometimes you just need to talk to the ones who know you best and hear that you are truly loved unconditionally. There is so much love around here, but our history is just beginning- I miss the hugs and kisses filled with time and insight. Only two weeks and already I'm homesick.
In many ways being here is like being on the road. You're watched and loved by many, propped up and told you're wonderful, but alone in your experience and far from home.
Everyone is in my heart and I am in yours I know, love keeps me alive here.
July, 2005 July 14thWonderful Surprise (For Daphna on her Birthday)
It's a gray summer Thursday
But my heart isn't blue There's no rain that can touch me When I wake up in the morning next to you. Just like the rain in California
She's a wonderful surprise And she dreams of jewels in colours
Eyes in green, heart of gold Lips are soft with satin kisses Just like the sweetest story ever told On being inches away from elimination:
I don't think I can quite describe the feeling of horror that came over me when Brooke announced that I was one of the bottom three contestants. I've been working as a musician for a years and I've had a pretty successful career, so to have that questioned in such a public way felt like my world had been turned upside down. After the initial shock, though, a strange sense of calm came over me. (Okay, not that calm) Maybe just a simple sense of determination. Things in that moment were straightforward and clear: sing my ass off or get on a plane. And for some reason I was less nervous during that performance than I had been for the previous two.
Now that my ass has been narrowly saved, I feel a new sense of life and resolution. I know that I just have to be myself and I will get the job done. Be prepared to meet Tara Slone for the first time, again.
To my family, friends and fans:
Yes, last week was pretty hard for me (as you can gather). I know all of you were having heart palpitations during Wednesday's show… I am more determined than ever to show the world who I am and what I can do. I am relatively relaxed and in a very good headspace. So please don't worry about me. I love and miss you all and feel you in my heart.
p.s. Keep voting!! July, 2005 Rock Star:INXSI tend to over think things. I have been driving myself nuts trying to anticipate what is to come. But expectations are such a dangerous thing - life is full of surprises and NOT getting what you expect. Really, I would like my experience on "Rock Star: INXS" to be one of total openness and jumping without a parachute. Late one night, I decided to write down the way I would like to handle myself on the show and ultimately, my life. Here are the words I would like to live by: I will create my day Oh, yeah. I will also have fun... |
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